The past year was the hardest of my life. And I’m stronger for it.

Within 12 months, I moved my family to a different country, started a new job and way of working, and welcomed my son into the world to join his sister, my husband, and me. 

Early on, a friend expressed her admiration for me, saying this amount of change would have her curled up in the corner with a blanket watching Netflix. I laughed, thinking I got this, because historically I had powered through challenging times and had support systems in place to help me. Then the difficult experiences started to pile on. 

First were the day-to-day feelings of missing my loved ones, wanting the familiarity of my home environment, and craving established routines that worked. These feelings compounded with experiences that threatened my agency and ate at my confidence. Experiences like establishing myself with a trusted obstetrician in a foreign medical system, relying on Google Translate at the grocery store for basic goods, and learning how to deliver a new capability in my new job. Times when I boarded the wrong train and was late, got a parking ticket because I didn’t understand the signage, or bought the wrong size shoes for my daughter because my conversion was off. Mistakes, errors, and hiccups were my new norm, which felt damning to my high-achiever wiring.

Then my son was born. A colicky baby in the depths of the Nordic winter felt like a setback to what progress I had made in settling myself and my family into our new way of living. My tendencies to power through, keep my head down, work harder, and figure it out myself weren’t working. So, I experimented by trying different tactics to overcome what life was throwing at me and thrive again.

Like a positive psychology framework that uses four pillars to strengthen your resilience. By definition, resilience is the ability to withstand, adapt to, and recover from adversity and stress…the ability to cope, thrive and flourish when the going gets tough. We aren’t born with a set amount of resilience; in fact, we can build it in intentional ways, and that’s what I set out to do. 

Whether you’re an entrepreneur, small business owner, Eligible Family Member (EFM), parent, leader, or simply a human with a lot coming at you, know that you have resilience in you. The positive psychology framework I'm sharing with you today can help you strengthen your resilience to overcome what you’re up against. I give you some insight into how I applied it to my life, and I invite you to see how you could apply to your own, so you can better overcome whatever life throws at you — now or in the future.

Social Support

Lean on the support of people in your social network, your real one. These are the trusted family, friends, colleagues, and educators who lift us up, care deeply, and show up when it matters most. The people with whom you can show up as you are because you know they’re your biggest champions and are invested in you.

I called these people in my life. I unloaded. I asked for their time and care. They gave. They loved. They responded. I reached out to them again and again, sometimes just to be heard and other times with asks for help. At first, my asks were full of apologies and worry that others might think of me as weak or incapable. Not one person let me think this. They constantly reminded me of the massive life changes that I had endured and that humans need community. This silenced my worry, as did the immediate feelings of relief when I was able to connect with an understanding family member, friend, or fellow EFM.

Who are your go-to people? When faced with a challenge, who do you turn to? When you feel you are in crisis, identify someone on this list and call them.

Coping Strategies

These are the practices and approaches you apply to manage difficult times. They help you take a step back, see the bigger picture, get grounded, and calm and steady yourself.

I visited nature frequently by walking in the quiet forest and noticing what was around me. I exercised daily because this stoked a part of my identity and boosted my happiness. I started a gratitude practice. I added more humor to my life by listening to funny podcasts and watching TV and movies that guaranteed a laugh.

What strategies do you employ when the difficulties pile on? How have you managed to get through it in the past? Take a look at your calendar and schedule in a little time each day to incorporate one new coping strategy at a time or employ strategies that usually work for you.

Sagacity

Having sagacity means being discerning and perceptive. It is using the wisdom and insight you gain from sources and through experiences. Sagacity can come from writings, songs, quotes, wise people in our lives, and our own learnings.

I listened to relevant podcasts and read articles to gather ideas. I talked to people who had faced similar challenges to learn from their experiences, including the EFM community at our country post and at LVL-Up. I drew on sound advice from mentors and friends I admired.

What wisdom do you invoke when facing a challenge? What sources do you draw from to gain insight and perspective? Who do you know with a similar journey as yours whose perspective could help you understand your current experience and feelings?

Solution-Seeking Behavior

Positive psychology is not just about planning. It requires action. Solution-seeking behaviors are the actions you enact to solve the specific problem(s) you face. It’s what you do to overcome the situation or circumstance. 

I let go of behaviors and ways of acting that didn’t serve me anymore, primarily moving toward asking for support and being candid about what I need instead of powering through alone. I did a values exercise to clarify what mattered most and used the results to guide my decisions and choices.

From this, I adopted an evolved perspective about my career and my identity. Before I had conflated my identity with my work self, linking my self-worth to my career progression and neglecting the other parts of who I was. Now, I’m working to appreciate the complexity of my identity. I aim to see my career as a lattice and recognize there will be ebbs and flows with my seasons of life. I also simplified where I could to allow more time and energy for the more weighty demands and what aligned to my values.

How do you problem-solve? What specific practices and techniques do you employ to get to a solution? What should you stop, start, or continue doing to get closer to the solution you need? Write all of this down, and try modifying one behavior at a time to build better habits.

The Power of a Positive Psychology Framework

This framework was my guide to strengthening my resilience. It allowed me to draw on what was already present, evolve and shift where I needed to, and create new habits and ways of working.

At first, letting go of my old methods, which were mostly characterized by self-reliance, proved difficult. I had historically been praised (and rewarded) for my fortitude and inner strength. The thought of turning to others, shifting my outlook and identity felt intimidating – I wondered what others might think of me and if it would always be this way. Despite this I pressed on, recognizing that because so much of my world had changed, I had to evolve too. I now have built-in habits, practices, and techniques to call upon when new difficulties arise. Yes, I got through the most challenging year of my life, but I am also proud of how I personally grew in the process.

Resilience is a fundamental life skill. It is key to our survival and enables us to thrive in the face of challenges that are inevitably part of our existence. I’m in the good company of EFMs who radiate resilience, having endured circumstances similar to mine. As I opened myself up to them, they shared their own strategies and validated mine. This is why EFMs make valuable partners. We've experienced similar challenges and feelings as entrepreneurs, business owners, and leaders. We understand because we’ve been there and have risen to the occasion before. Plus, we have a deep desire to help others build their resilience and reach their full potential. I know I do.