Impostor’s Syndrome. Some think it is real, some think it is dangerous, and often it can feel like both. But mainly I think it is a tool used to distract. Whether self-imposed or a fear you’re allowing to grow because of undermining comments from others, Imposter Syndrome is nothing more than a distraction keeping you from the greatness you are meant to achieve.

My sister and brother-in-law have been married for almost 30 years and I still remember the week of the wedding. When people asked if he was nervous, my brother-in-law would say, “I’m keeping my eyes on the prize!” The goal for him was reaching the moment when they were announced as husband and wife, and the celebration of their life thereafter. He wasn’t going to let anyone’s issues distract him from that moment to celebrate. I was still in college at the time, and as I went out into the world, he would repeat that same phrase to me again and again: “Keep your eyes on the prize, Laura.” He was telling me not to let folks who think I’m not good enough, or my own self-doubts, get in the way of where I wanted to go with my life. 

Fight Imposter’s Syndrome with Confidence

Entrepreneurs must have a certain amount of faith that they belong exactly where they are, that they have enough experience and expertise to own something and put it out there for others. When working one-on-one with their clients, entrepreneurs can usually feel confident in this space. But when they start sharing their expertise publicly or leading a team, the doubt and fears can creep in. 

This is true for anyone who has earned a promotion, too (yes, you earned it). For example: Let’s say you were just brought onto a leadership team for your company. Maybe at times you worry that you don’t belong there or that your colleagues made a mistake in choosing you but don’t know it yet. Here’s the thing: they did choose you. I tell my team all of the time, “I chose you because of what I saw in you, not because of what you necessarily know about yourself.” If you already knew your own capabilities, how could you grow in this position?

You need to have a certain amount of faith that you belong exactly where you are. That is confidence.

Even if you feel confident at times, it can go missing when you need it most. So, how do you maintain confidence? Can you do the work it takes to show up with confidence every day?

Like I said, you may hear undermining comments or talk negatively to yourself. Either way, it is noise that you need to try to let go of every day. Henry Ford’s quote, “Whether you think you can’t or you think you can, you are right,” is a great way to look at Imposter’s Syndrome. Are you feeling like you are in over your head professionally? That is a signal that it is time to focus on learning how you want to do the job and stop leaning on self-doubt. Exercise your confidence muscles to not only know exactly where you belong but also open your mindset to grow into this space and build on your knowledge to become an expert.

You Aren’t Born Confident – You Build Confidence

My oldest daughter is taking a difficult math class. For the three years leading up to this class, she had a math teacher who repeatedly told her she didn’t have enough focus to belong. My daughter also likes performing in school plays and participating in school clubs, and this teacher believed that this level of math needed her complete focus. Well, as a parent, it is hard to watch teachers give this kind of feedback. I want my daughter to do math at the level she’s capable of and be in the plays she enjoys. Rather than switching her out of the class or getting another teacher, we named her teacher’s words as “undermining,” and we helped her realize that she needed to shut out that noise and continue on her chosen path. Thankfully, this allowed her to earn high marks in the class and continue with her other interests. 

Now, she’s in this more challenging math class, and she carried the old teacher’s words with her into the semester. She hadn’t yet let them go. All of her self-doubt carries that teacher’s voice and face in her mind, but it isn’t the teacher anymore. It is her own confidence (or lack thereof). 

A few weeks ago, she told me that she realized her confidence was all in her head. (Yes, fellow parents, it was hard for me not to respond with, “Seriously?!”). Anyway, she said, “I feel like people are telling me I am smart enough to do this math because they are being nice, but really I don't belong at all. Then I worked through some really tough problems and realized that I do belong here – but my confidence is low and the noisy doubts are taking over. It really is all in my head.” 

I am literally watching her become mentally strong. Even if she failed this math class, she will have gained a skill that far outweighs the course. Not only that, her growing confidence is allowing her to open her mind to the fact that she can do this math. 

Confidence isn't a gift that you either have or don't have. It is a reflection of hard self-work. It is a muscle that needs practice, training, and resilience to get stronger.

Mental strength needs to be worked on just as much as any other strength. It can be really hard to lift weights and exercise, and we give a lot of credit to those who look great. But do we give that same kind of credit to those who take a really hard math class and risk failure in front of their peers? Those who push through professional development and reveal their own imperfections in front of colleagues? Those who risk it all to run their own company? To know that you belong right where you are – or rather, to believe that you do – requires growth, nurturing, and continuous exercise. It requires you to “keep your eye on the prize.” 

Some may see building confidence as exhausting – as much as any other exercise, I’m sure. But I don't think it is nearly as exhausting as wading through the distractions that keep your goals at arm's length. It certainly can’t be as exhausting as holding up the mask that hides your own self-doubt. It’s time to get away from Imposter’s Syndrome and call it what it is: a distracting thought that you don’t need anymore.